so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
