I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
