Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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