I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
