it wasn't lemon gatorade
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I smell like Dick and happiness
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