I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
