I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
