Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
