You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
