Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
