guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
