Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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