You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
