go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
