i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
