My Higher Power is John Stamos
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
