Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
