fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
