he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
