How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
