Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
