"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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