my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
