I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
