There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
