I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
