No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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