so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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