so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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