drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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