Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
