Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
