i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
