i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
