dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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