I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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