I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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