Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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