There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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