he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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