The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
