at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
