I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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