You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
