matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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