I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
