I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
