Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this boner is exhausting
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
