Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
