so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
