i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
