Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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