This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
