How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
